It is quiet. I seriously can hear the clock ticking and I am not exactly sure what to do with my thoughts. I do not remember the last time it was this… quiet.
The husband took the two kiddos for a couple of hours and I am amazed at how a room can transform in seconds. In a moment, it can be filled with laughter (let us be honest, screams and crying too!) and then as soon as the door closes behind the pitter patter of feet, I can suddenly hear the slightest wind against the window.
I almost feel like it is unnatural to be alone. I am with my family all the time and when I am not with them, well there are friends or our boys or the women of Imani Collective… the list goes on. To be just me and myself is a bit of a phenomenon in my recent stage of life.
But here I am.
For the first time, in a pretty long time, sitting,
thinking and soaking it all in.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
And another breath.
During these restorative breaths, I reminisce on the morning.
I woke up this morning looking into my little boys’ eyes.
His eyes do all the talking.
They look right into your soul.
They know what to say when words do not need to be spoken.
And in a glance, I am reassured that he knows he is deeply loved.
And through his smiling eyes, I am reminded of God’s greatest gift to me,
Motherhood is exhausting and there are moments I want to find the nearest pantry to hide in, but at the end of the day, I know I was made for this.
It just might take a couple of breaths and a glance from my boy to remind me I am worthy, I am strong and I am exactly where I need to be.
Who am I? What do I do? Where do I see myself going? What makes me unique, special, different? What do I stand for? What do I believe in?
The list could go on and on. These conversations are happening more often lately and I have found that my self-reflection has increased daily. The dreamer inside of me has only become wilder and at the end of the day, I am Jenny Rebecca.
I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. I am an adventurer, writer, doctoral student, and speaker.
I am an advocate for the brokenhearted and less fortunate.
I am a wild spirit that cannot be contained and I love to dream up new ideas when my little boy is napping where there is a moment to myself.
I am a daughter of the King and I am human with many imperfect tendencies.
I am not afraid to admit my fears and tell you I do not have it all together.
I am optimistic to the point that sometimes I lose my practicality.
I am a spirit of wanderlust, joy and goodness.
I love to get lost, so I can discover. I love to read, so I can imagine the unrealistic.
I love the feeling being wrapped in my husband’s arms where I feel safe and I love the adrenaline of standing on the edge of a cliff before the jump.
I am complex, but yet simple.
I am open, but yet reserved in my sacred space.
I crave the road, but yet gravitate to home.
Who am I? What do I do? Where do I see myself going? …
I do not fit in a box or set limitations. I take off as if a feather in the wind.
I am a voice of intention that is true, powerful, and authentic.
I strive to be heard, to be seen and be known because I want to impact this world for good. I want to empower. I want to spread inspiration and I want to radiate love that knows no boundaries.
This is me. Who are you?